The Boyfriend Hunt
"Love is vines, thorns, and entanglement" -anonymous
Very frustrated at the moment with the world of males. Or at least my current lack of them. University is crawling with STD-carrying, eye-wandering, post pubescent penises that are ready to take action. Which is why I love it so much.
These said penises are on the hunt for:
wild, fast, crazy, missionary, legs in the air, blow jobs, passionate, condoms, nameless,
horny, hairless, breasts, threesomes, drunken, mornings after, the pill.
Sex.
However, thats not what I need. Or want.
I am on a completely different journey with a whole other goal:
stability, affection, tenderness, laughs, smiles, dinners, open doors, kisses, butterflies
candles, comfy, movie marathon, cuddle, embrace, carry bags, text message
familiar scent, holding hands, dance partner, jacket for the cold.
Boyfriend.
Welcome to University. Nearly five millions frats. With nearly five billion frat boys. And if they don’t quench your thirst, well no fear, since they only make up about 20% of the 20,000 male population at Uni.
So how, you may ask, do I remain boyfriend-less? Simple:
The boys that come here with their own set of raging hormones that they are ready to release on the world arrive with expectations.
Hooking up.
See, the high school definition of hooking up is making out, getting felt up by, rushing to third base with…fellow boy.
However, college brings a whole new dictionary to light. Hooking up therefore becomes the ritual one-night stand that may or may not turn into the rarely seen few-night stands.
Since none of these terms seem to set much fire to my interest, I therefore begin my
Boyfriend Hunt
Out of these 20,000 penises available on campus, I have narrowed my list down to potentials that I want to be with, (with the occasional being there only for potential hook-ups).
This List includes but May not be limited to:
11 1. Asshole Guy
2. Tall Guy
3. Horny Guy
4. Spanish
5. Penn Bagdley (not the real one but a definite look-a-like that will have to do for now)
5. Curly
6. Barney look-a-like
5. Jeff
6. Josh
Neighbor Guy
Now you must understand that this is all going under careful consideration. And after reviewing this pathetic list of contenders, I have realized that only the first two (Asshole & Tall guy) seem to actually make any sort of list when it comes to narrowing down. However, Horny did come awfully close until he proved to be very, well, horny.
Unfortunetly for me, the reason Asshole Guy earned this nickname is because of the unrequited crush I seem to have on him that he does not bother to return. Oh if only he knew all the fantasies I've had of him and I...
actually, maybe it would be better to keep those thoughts closeted until further progress is made.
The problem with Tall Guy? Well, it seems that another friend may share interest in his height as well as his well-sculpted body and slightly dorky (yet hilarious) outlook on life. My friend D and I laugh about our common interest and both claim to be uncompetitive about it. And I'm not. Unless she gets ahead that is.
I know, I know. I've heard the cliched term, hoes before bros countless times before. However, it just hasn't seem to hit me quite yet. Maybe when I begin to realize what value her friendship has.
...or maybe when I begin to lose interest in Tall Guy. We'll see.
Until then, I am pathetically sitting inside typing away furiously at my computer as I realize that my heart beats faster even when Asshole Guy comes down to the dining hall in his pjs, a raggy shirt and his reading glasses.
Oh how it makes me swoon.
When will he wake up and realize that bliss lies under his very nose?
When will I pluck the courage to make my feelings obvious to him? (If I already haven't by acting the way I do)
Tune in next time darling
The Huntress
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