The Boyfriend Hunt: The Imaginary

Bonjour lovers, 

        "If your love has been dumped, recycle it. Save the Earth. Save Yourself. "- anonymous

Just another addition to the post, seeing as I already listed down potential real-life candidates for this boyfriend hunt. I might as well allow the public to view the hollywood potentials that cloud my fantasies well past your bedtime. 

       The Contenders:

John

1. John Krasinski: Everything I would want in a husband. Humor, height and handsome. Oh, and I might as well throw in hands since 

I've become playful with the H's. Lovely size, aren't they? Although it must be said, his face can be slightly goofy at times and may remind of me of a sad-eyed bull dog, this is meant in the kindest terms and he is still on my list, so, John, you are welcome. 

Henry

2. Henry Cavill: The strength of a well-used British accent will never cease to amaze me. Nice jaw. Does very well in the sex scenes might I add (only reason the Tudors

 interests me, I shamefully admit. On second thought, the writers must know that their drama lacks in quality if they must place so many breasts and bare butts to keep the audience from dwindling). 

Harry

3. Prince Harry: Since I started with the Brits, I may as well add another one in. Ginger hair? My theory is either you can either a) look really horrid in it or b) look really, really good. Prince Harry went from a. to b. in a short span of time. He grew out of his awkwardly, gawky stage and finally flaunted what British royalty and

 his lovely mother gave him. Also, you must admit, having ginger hair is better than having none at all (eh Prince William?)

Joe

4. Last but not least, probably the most embarrassing to admit seeing

 as I like to claim I am an adult, Joe Jonas: Yes, that Jonas, of the teenybopper boy band. If you've never heard of the Jonas Brothers than you probably have not come into contact with

 those of the age grou

p 8-15. Or me. The middle brother seems to catch my interest quite frequently. Maybe its his hair, or the ever-so-obvious bulge

 in those tight skinny jeans that he insists on wearing everywhere (no complaints here though). Maybe its his promise to remain pure? (suuree). For whatever reason, Joe Jonas has made it onto this list and will remain there until, well, that bulge disappears. Also, something must be said about the family's genes. How is it that the mother reproduces three kind, pure, gorgeous young men that turn into international popstars? All my parents raised were a lazy boy-crazy girl, her stubborn sister, and naggy brother. Neither of us rock gorgeous curls, the guitar or purity rings. So to Joe, Joe's mother and Joe's father: thank you. 

  

                  My Imaginary Boyfriend Hunt Plan: 

      See, I used to have this image of myself, back when I wanted to pursue psychology as a university major, where I would flee to Los Angeles after I had earned my degree as a marriage counselor. Seeing how horrid Hollywood's divorce rate is, I would of course, get rich off my ass. However, during one of these sessions stumbles in one of the above with a stubborn tiny wife on his tail. I would play the comforting friend and professional and soon after their inevitable divorce, would play the comforting more-than friend and less-than professional. 

Wouldn't that play out just perfectly?

Oh well, back to dreaming about ripping off Asshole Guy's shirt in my Economics class. Hmm, maybe Henry would like a turn in this fantasy?

Until next time darling

            The Huntress

The Boyfriend Hunt: The Beginning

        The Boyfriend Hunt

"Love is vines, thorns, and entanglement" -anonymous

            Very frustrated at the moment with the world of males. Or at least my current lack of them. University is crawling with STD-carrying, eye-wandering, post pubescent penises that are ready to take action. Which is why I love it so much. 

These said penises are on the hunt for: 

       wild, fast, crazy, missionary, legs in the air, blow jobs, passionate, condoms, nameless, 

               horny, hairless, breasts, threesomes, drunken, mornings after, the pill. 

                                                                           Sex. 

However, thats not what I need. Or want. 

I am on a completely different journey with a whole other goal:

             stability, affection, tenderness, laughs, smiles, dinners, open doors, kisses, butterflies

                     candles, comfy, movie marathon, cuddle, embrace, carry bags, text message

                               familiar scent, holding hands, dance partner, jacket for the cold.

                                                                       Boyfriend.

            Welcome to University. Nearly five millions frats. With nearly five billion frat boys. And if they don’t quench your thirst, well no fear, since they only make up about 20% of the 20,000 male population at Uni.

            So how, you may ask, do I remain boyfriend-less? Simple:

The boys that come here with their own set of raging hormones that they are ready to release on the world arrive with expectations.

            Hooking up.

See, the high school definition of hooking up is making out, getting felt up by, rushing to third base with…fellow boy.

However, college brings a whole new dictionary to light. Hooking up therefore becomes the ritual one-night stand that may or may not turn into the rarely seen few-night stands.

Since none of these terms seem to set much fire to my interest, I therefore begin my

                                                                     Boyfriend Hunt

Out of these 20,000 penises available on campus, I have narrowed my list down to potentials that I want to be with, (with the occasional being there only for potential hook-ups).

This List includes but May not be limited to:

11 1. Asshole Guy

2. Tall Guy

3. Horny Guy

4. Spanish

5. Penn Bagdley (not the real one but a definite look-a-like that will have to do for now)

5. Curly

6. Barney look-a-like

5. Jeff

6. Josh

Neighbor Guy

      Now you must understand that this is all going under careful consideration. And after reviewing this pathetic list of contenders, I have realized that only the first two (Asshole & Tall guy) seem to actually make any sort of list when it comes to narrowing down. However, Horny did come awfully close until he proved to be very, well, horny. 

      Unfortunetly for me, the reason Asshole Guy earned this nickname is because of the unrequited crush I seem to have on him that he does not bother to return. Oh if only he knew all the fantasies I've had of him and I...

      actually, maybe it would be better to keep those thoughts closeted until further progress is made.

      The problem with Tall Guy? Well, it seems that another friend may share interest in his height as well as his well-sculpted body and slightly dorky (yet hilarious) outlook on life. My friend D and I laugh about our common interest and both claim to be uncompetitive about it. And I'm not. Unless she gets ahead that is. 

     I know, I know. I've heard the cliched term, hoes before bros countless times before. However, it just hasn't seem to hit me quite yet. Maybe when I begin to realize what value her friendship has.

...or maybe when I begin to lose interest in Tall Guy. We'll see. 

       Until then, I am pathetically sitting inside typing away furiously at my computer as I realize that my heart beats faster even when Asshole Guy comes down to the dining hall in his pjs, a raggy shirt and his reading glasses. 

Oh how it makes me swoon. 

When will he wake up and realize that bliss lies under his very nose? 

      When will I pluck the courage to make my feelings obvious to him? (If I already haven't by acting the way I do)

Tune in next time darling

                    The Huntress